Jackson had several health issues, including thyroid disease, joint problems, Cushing's disease, and the usual elderly ailments such as poor hearing and eyesight. The Cushing's made him have a lot of accidents around the house. On Monday when he soiled his dog bed and had an accident while lying down, I knew it was time to finally make "the call" to the vet. I called on Tuesday and scheduled the appointment for Friday afternoon.
It was really hard to explain everything to the boys. Taylor asked why we were going to pay somebody to kill our dog. Dave and I explained that Jackson was not just old, he was very sick, and seemed to be in a lot of discomfort even though beagles are very stoic. It was a hard week, with a lot of questions. I think Taylor was a little angry at us, and Jamison wanted frequent accidents to be "normal" so we wouldn't have to take action.
On Wednesday night, we all watched "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey" with Jackson on the couch. When Jackson was younger, he would watch the movie and jump off the couch toward the television, baying at the wild animals on the screen. This time, he just snored through the whole thing. Homeward Bound is one of my favorite movies, and I start sobbing every time Shadow makes it back to his boy, Peter. This time, the boys started crying too, and we spent a lot of time just cuddling on the couch and in our bed.
On Thursday, our dear friend Judy came over for dinner. She was one of Jackson's favorite people, so she spent some time cuddling with him and also took the fantastic family photo below:
On Friday, we picked the boys up from school a little early, then stopped by the house to get Jackson before heading to the vet's office. It was a very somber car ride. At the clinic, we were blessed with a wonderful vet tech who also started crying when she saw Jackson. She explained that she had put her own dog to sleep last week, and that she wasn't sure she could handle taking Jackson when she saw his file that day, but that she had always loved him. Her compassion was very moving. She did a great job of explaining everything to the boys, especially that Jackson wouldn't feel any pain as he went to sleep.
She then "borrowed" Jackson (her words) to shave his leg and insert a catheter for the final injection. When she came back, she fed him some dog treats and a small jar of turkey baby food using a tongue depressor. Aside from a full jar of peanut butter, I don't think Jackson could have asked for a better last meal. He was in heaven and for a moment he was his old lively self again. But the vet came in and our time with him was quickly coming to an end.
I was proud that both boys chose to stay in the room with Jackson during his last moments. Dave and Taylor sat on chairs in the room (which was more like a living room than an exam room), while Jamison and I sat on the floor with Jackson. I sat on a fleece blanket on the floor, with Jackson draped across my legs. Jackson was just licking the last savory morsels of turkey from the tongue depressor when the vet gave him the injection. He went to sleep within seconds, and I stroked his velvety soft ears while we all told him what a wonderful dog he had been and that we were glad he was no longer in pain, but that we would look forward to seeing him again some day. When Taylor saw that I was crying, he lost his composure as well, while Jamison just quietly petted Jackson on the floor. I took his old green collar and tags off his neck to one last familiar jingle, and we left the room and went home to a house that suddenly seemed a lot emptier.
That was five days ago. I had trouble sleeping the first few nights, missing that familiar lump in our bed. I still miss the jingle of Jackson getting up to greet us when we come home. I miss rubbing his soft ears, and I really miss just hearing his breathing as he lay at my feet in my office. At the same time, I don't miss the constant care and cleaning he required the last few months. Jackson had become a faint shadow of himself and I know we made the right decision at the right time. He had lived a long and very full life. He was definitely MY boy, my firstborn, the best gift ever from Dave after we had been married a year and had just bought our first house in Minnesota. Thanks, Hon.
The boys seem to be doing OK. I think the hardest part was the buildup to the euthanasia, and watching the actual procedure. They miss him, for sure, but life moves on as it always does. They have not begged for an immediate replacement, but there is little doubt that we will get another dog at some point.
Rest in peace, Jackson. You loved us well and I hope you are looking down on us from somewhere in the skies, contentedly licking a large peanut butter jar as you reminisce about your good life and the family who still loves you so much.
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phew. that one was a hard post to get through. sigh.
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